Humble Rants 31 October 2012

Posted Wednesday, October 31, 2012 in Opinion

Humble Rants 31 October 2012

by Robert Skoglund aka The humble Farmer

“Hi there. Your buddy The humble Farmer and co-host Michelle here on Channel 7, bringing you the latest tips on how to survive the killer Frankenstorm that is approaching our area. If you've been watching you know that it either destroys or snuffs the life out of everything in its path.

 “Get to the store as quickly as you can and buy enough food and water to last for at least two weeks. It is likely that you will be without power for a long, long time. You and your children should sleep in the cellar. With the high winds expected, a falling tree is very likely to crush the beds in which you or your children usually sleep. Bring in your pets so they will not drown, be crushed or electrocuted. Have your shots. With the amount of sewage expected in the flood waters, malaria, dysentery and the black plague is a mathematical certainty in 98 percent of our area households.

 “Yes, Michelle, I must also mention that you should keep your bed in the cellar up on posts and as close to the ceiling as possible because of the possibility of flooding.  Plan an escape route in case you feel you’re about to run out of oxygen and die a painful death by suffocation.  One last reminder to not leave your home:  46 people have already been electrocuted by falling wires in areas already impacted by this killer storm. Fire, medical and police services are expected to be one hundred percent incapacitated and cell phone towers are likely to be out so don’t expect any help there.

 “We just got a Twitter note from Governor Romney who suggests that you immediately pack your family into the Hummer, your horses into the trailer, and quickly drive to one of your other homes on high ground.

 “I guess that just about covers it from my end of the desk. Michelle, will you close out our little report with a few tips on How To Keep Your Family Calm During The Storm?”

 --- “Don’t --- watch --- the news.”

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